Autism Research

» Cassandraoftroy - Do we love

I think it is harder for women to give up on commitments. In my case, even though I am bitterly angry at my soon-to-be ex-husband now, and I feel like I hate him, the fact that it bothers me so much that he is dating a woman 21 years his junior who is everything he always fantasized about and wanted me to be (23, large breasted, child-like) has brought me a tremendous amount of pain. I'm not sure if it's like post-traumatic stress disorder, where suddenly I'm back in my marriage feeling the same insecurities caused by his behavior and thoughtless remarks or if it's that part of me still cares about him and wishes that things could have worked. I do remember vaguely that there where times when I could get through that autism shell and reach him...and that at one time, I loved him very much. But even if I did love him, I would never go back.

I do not believe in soulmates or that there is only one person I can love. I would rather find someone else to share love with--and I have, for now--or even be alone than suffer the loneliness, the insecurity, the unpredictability, the anxiety, and the depression that living with my husband caused me.

I think it takes a much stronger woman than I am emotionally to deal with it. I have two children now who likely have Asperger's, and that is about as much as I can handle. Having a husband with Asperger's was in some ways like having a third.

-- posted by Cassandraoftroy