Autism Research

» likeu - Do we love

I am struggling with my AS husband as all of us are.
However, when it is that bad and say: "but I love him" is it true or it is just a co-depence state of mind. This is a subject of reflexion because I think that for most of us living in a trouble house and maintening that we love our husband is just a co-dependence behaviour. I mean, i am sure that if we live, we suddenly rediscover planet earth as we used to and be happy again...FOR MY SANITY.......

-- posted by likeu

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» Cassandraoftroy - Do we love

In response to Do we love posted by likeu:

I think it is harder for women to give up on commitments. In my case, even though I am bitterly angry at my soon-to-be ex-husband now, and I feel like I hate him, the fact that it bothers me so much that he is dating a woman 21 years his junior who is everything he always fantasized about and wanted me to be (23, large breasted, child-like) has brought me a tremendous amount of pain. I'm not sure if it's like post-traumatic stress disorder, where suddenly I'm back in my marriage feeling the same insecurities caused by his behavior and thoughtless remarks or if it's that part of me still cares about him and wishes that things could have worked. I do remember vaguely that there where times when I could get through that autism shell and reach him...and that at one time, I loved him very much. But even if I did love him, I would never go back.

I do not believe in soulmates or that there is only one person I can love. I would rather find someone else to share love with--and I have, for now--or even be alone than suffer the loneliness, the insecurity, the unpredictability, the anxiety, and the depression that living with my husband caused me.

I think it takes a much stronger woman than I am emotionally to deal with it. I have two children now who likely have Asperger's, and that is about as much as I can handle. Having a husband with Asperger's was in some ways like having a third.

-- posted by Cassandraoftroy

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» Bot - Do we love?

My fiance who has AS but will not admit to it is leaving me not for another women or anything he started having some money trouble and said until this was resolved he could not think of anything else and just broke up with me after 3 years i asked him if he even still loved me he said i think i do but until this land is sold and i'm back on track i can't think of that anymore it just doesn't make sense we really didn't have any other problems and acts like the break up is not bothering him while i feel absoultly crushed what can i do?

We learn to love. We often don't make the connection in how to communicate our affection but with a partner who is there for us we can become a loving partner. Before I knew I was AS I protected myself. I knew I was different and vulnerable and was an easy mark. I didn't know why people didn't understand me. In my 8+ yr relationship I understand for the first time why I needed to be so protective.

-- posted by Bot

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» gena009 - Do we love?

In response to Do we love? posted by Bot:

I believe that us people with Asperger Syndrome do love. Sometimes we just have a hard time expressing our feelings. I think that our feelings are often missed. We are often seen as annoying or feelingless people. To me this is unfair because we are neurologically unable to understand peeople. I think that people with Asperger Syndrome should get an extra chance, we just are not given enough chances. Also, a lot of the time we say stuff that we do not mean to say and then people tell us that we were rude or we said something sarcastic or mean, when clearly we don't understand. But really, we do deserve respect just as anybody without Asperger Syndrome, we are all human beings you know.

-- posted by gena009

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» Melissa Hincha-Ownby - Do we love?

In response to Do we love? posted by gena009:

Excellent post Gena and I do agree completely. We *are* all human beings and need to extend respect to others as we'd like them to extend towards us.

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